Cure for the Mother's Day Blues

Today is Mother's Day and I am alone in Tennessee missing my kids terribly.  Gone are the days when they jump on  your bed screaming and hollering "Mommy, get up, we made you breakfast in bed".  As the dog jumps on top of the bed and heads over to lick your face, the kids bring a tray over with coffee, eggs, and toast.  So proud that they put it all together (well, with a little help from Daddy!). 

Now it is my daughters turn to let her daughter do the same to  her. Hopefully her husband brought Sofia up and let her jump on the bed and wake Mommy up.  

I miss those days, but I know life must go on.  My kids have lives of their own and we aren't living in the same state any more. My daughters are coming down on Memorial day weekend and we will celebrate then. Of course, they are coming because that is my gift to them for their 30th birthdays.  Are they really 30?  Lindsay was 30 last July and Heather will be 30 in December.  Yes, life really does fly by. 

I wanted to find a way to celebrate the day myself so I dragged my sacred box out with all the cards and trinkets that they have given me over the years.  I don't go through the box often but today seemed like a good time to revisit it. I had myself a good cry, literally a good cry.  

Here are some of my favorites that I pulled out of the  box today:

When I was moving to Texas in 2005, Lindsay gave me a card that read:  Happy Mother's Day, Mom, no matter where you go, or what you do, I'll always be there for you.  On the inside she hand wrote "Ha ha ha, you can't get rid of me! I love you and even if you move across the world I'll always come see you!"  This makes me cry every time I read it.  It was hard for the kids when I moved and it took a lot for Lindsay to write that card and I appreciated that card more than she knew.

Then there is the birthday card from my son Matthew on my 40th where he signed it "Matthew Vickery", did he think I would forget his last name?  I laugh every time I read that card.  

My daughter Heather has a wonderful dry sarcastic sense of humor. She knows me so well.  One of my favorite cards from her  says "Have fun at your birthday party.  Just don't run with that pointy hat, you could put an eye out.". Yes she knows what I have done to myself with pointy objects.  Actually it doesn't even have to be pointy and I hurt myself!

I have packed the box back up and placed it in a special place.  Someday I will sit down with the kids and let them go through the box, hopefully so we can share a tear and some laughs.  

Happy Mother's Day to all.

Running Away From the Nut Jobs...

Where did I leave off?  I dated Mr. 95% for a couple of weeks and all of a sudden I don't hear from him.  And I waited, and waited, and waited, and finally heard from him. His rating was starting to drop big time at this point, I am thinking he is now Mr. 30%.  The guy is either lacking social skills in communication, which is funny because he is in marketing, or he is a douche bag, I go with the latter. His new moniker is Mr. DB (douche bag). 

 

 He texts me "How was your weekend?' on a Monday after I haven't heard from him in 2 weeks. Really? Well I sat on that text for about 8 hours pondering how to respond to it. I was with a group of women on a consulting job so I asked them for their opinion on how I should respond. This is the list of the responses we came up with:

• Had a wonderful weekend without you
• Couldn't have been better, slept with 5 guys (not really)
• It was so good I eloped
• Who is this?
• I am sorry, do I know you?

At the end I just answered back "great" and left it at that to which he texted back that he had a great weekend as some of his friends visited for the weekend.  Yeah, right, I am sure it was friends of the female persuasion. Do guys really think we believe that crap? 

Well, there were more options available to me.  Mr. Douche Bag was put in the back of my mind and I set up another date with a guy from "Ourtime", the dating site for singles over 50.  Oh my, did I really sign up for that site? Yes, unfortunately I did.  99% of the responses I get are from guys that look like my grandfather.  YUK -A- Doodle.  This hot blonde does not date men that look like they have been ridden hard and put away wet.  If only, LOL.

So back to my date.  This guy I will call Mr. Obnoxious.  I didn't know it at the time I set up the date, but that will give you a prelude to my date.  We decided to meet at this bar at 7 pm on a Saturday.  I arrived and noticed that he was at the bar - Wow that was a first - usually I am early.  Then he stands up and says rather loudly "You look just like your picture", to which I said, "Yes, I post recent photos" and I thought to myself "Too bad you didn't post a recent photo".  He was a bit heavier and older than the pictures online.  But he wasn't obese so I thought to myself, I could have a glass of wine with him, it won’t kill me. Little did I know how bad it was about to get. 

 

We sat down and as I arranged my chair he grabbed the chair and pulled it close to him to which I pushed it away.  He asked me "What's the matter do I smell?"  "No", I said "but I don't need to sit in your lap".  Oh, this is going to be a long night I thought.  We looked at the wine list and he decided on a bottle of wine and he poured me a glass.  I asked him some usual questions, "Where did you grow up?", "Any kids", etc.  He answered as he pounded the wine down.  

He finished the bottle of wine and asked me if I wanted another bottle. I said, “No thanks, I am fine with water now”.  He asked me “Haven’t you ever sat down and had an entire bottle of wine?”  “No, I said”.  He said “I do often”.  He ordered a glass of wine.

Run, Linda, run now, get the heck out while you can. Get your taser ready...

Before I could get up he pulled out his Star of David necklace. Again rather loudly said, “I am Jewish, do you have a problem with that?".  To which I said, "No, but I am not religious".  Apparently wine and non-religious people don’t go together with this guy. He yelled out “You don’t believe in a Supreme being?”  I knew I was in trouble, how do you gracefully exit this conversation? People were now looking at us.   I tried to change the conversation, anything would be better than this one.  Before I could change the subject he asked me if I was going to take down my profile now that I met him and we were going to be dating! I almost burst out laughing, I really had to control myself.   Did he really think I was going to go out with him again?  I said “No, I barely know you.  I am not ready to take it down”.  To myself I said “Now way in hell am I going out with this nut job again”.

Not a good idea, he went off like a rocket rambling on about how women are all the same, say they want a relationship but not willing to commit.  Did I hear that right?  I just met the guy and he wants a commitment?  He needed to be committed! 

I got up and put some money on the bar and said thank you and goodbye. I ran out of the bar afraid he was going to follow me. Holy Cow, what a jerk he was.

I went home and logged on to “Ourtime” to block him and noticed I had more mail……

Mr. 95%

Where was I?  Oh yeah, Mr. 95% walked into the bar and we saw each other and smiled.  He looked just like his picture, nice! Most times men post pictures from ages ago and pounds ago!  The couple that I was chatting with looked him up and down, which embarrassed me tremendously!  He looked at them like who the heck are you??  LOL  So I explained why they were looking at him.  Mr. 95% and I sat down and introduced ourselves and spent the next 4 hours, yes I said 4 hours, chatting and drinking wine.  It was one of the most pleasant first dates I have had. We actually were the last ones to leave the bar and we left and we made plans to get together again.



I went home and thought what a nice guy, down to earth, friendly, attractive, and funny.  Who could ask for anything more?  What I didn't count on was that he moved at a speed slower than molasses.

A couple of days later a storm was coming in and I didn't feel like going back to the hotel so I texted Mr. 95% and asked him if he wanted to go to a bar and ride out the storm. He was in!  Sweet! We met a cool bar in Nashville and waited for the rain and storm to come.  It didn't take long before it was howling and blowing away.  Kind of fun to sit there and watch the storm, there were others in the bar doing the same thing.  We parted ways, but I knew I wouldn't see him for a while, he was going skiing with friends for a week.





So I continued to respond to guys who emailed me.  Some were just atrocious! Some were OK, but no one came close to Mr. 95%.  Remember Mr. SoNotMyType?  Well I decided to meet him for a glass of wine.  I mean, it was just a glass of wine.  I could have a glass of wine with anyone, right?

We picked a  place to meet and of course I got there early. Did I mention that I have a problem with that???  If I didn't, I do.  So Mr. SoNotMyType walked in and I thought "eh", not really my type but what else do I have to do?  So we actually had a pleasant conversation and moved to another wine bar for another glass of vino.  We parted ways and I thought there was no connection, no spark whatsoever.

I never thought dating would be this hard.  I am trying to remember if it was this difficult when I was a teenager. Oh yeah, that's right, it wasn't fun back then either!

In the mean time, Mr. VeryCute emailed and asked I wanted to get together for coffee.  "Sure" I said.  I won't find Mr. Right if I don't keep looking.  We made plans to meet at a Starbucks.  As I got to the Starbucks, I realized it wasn't a great section of town,  I went inside and the place was packed, not a place to sit.  There were tables outside, but they were all full as well.  I spied a McDonald's across the parking lot and called Mr. VeryCute and told him the situation and said I would meet him there.

Mr. VeryCute was even cuter in person.  Should a 54 year old woman  be saying a man is cute?  Probably not, but it seemed to fit.  We sat down and went through the typical questions 1.  What do you do for work, 2.  How many kids? How old? 3.  How long have you been here?  4. What brought you here?  5. What do you do for fun?.  We seemed to be getting along fine, then we got up to leave,, talking about getting together again.  He walked me out to my car, well he actually walked me to someone else's car.  They had Indiana plates and he assumed it was my car.  But my car was next to it.  When I told him that was not my car, my car was the THIS one, he kind of had a look, hard to explain the look but it was not a good look.


Needless to say, I never heard from him again, all because of my car.  It is a challenge to be successful and find a date.  I have found that most men are afraid of successful women.  That just because I do well I must be shallow or all about money.  Really? If I was a man it wouldn't be an issue at all.



It was a busy time for me, moving, packing, unpacking, etc.  so I put the dating aside for awhile so I could focus on getting settled in.

I couldn't wait for Mr. 95% to come  back from skiing...........

Dating in my 50's: Should I just give up on finding THE ONE?

Let's see  where did I leave off.  Oh yeah, I had mail.

I went into the email section to see what I had.  I don't know about you but I love to get mail, almost doesn't matter what it is, it is so much fun opening mail.  It also makes you feel wanted when you get snail mail or email.  OK, I know I am digressing and I should get to the point.

In the email box was an email from Mr.95%!  I was so excited I almost passed out; he actually wrote back.  But wait, he could be writing to tell me to take a hike, that I am so not his type, that I am too fat, too skinny, too blonde.  Now I had a new dilemma, should I open the email and get disappointed or should I wait a while and savor the moment????  But wait, not only did I have an email from Mr. 95%, but I had two  other emails.  Let's see what shall I call them?  One I will call Mr. SoNotMyType and the other I will call Mr. VeryCute.

I decided to open Mr. SoNotMyType's email first, after all he wrote me so it won't disappoint me would it?  I opened the  email and he said he liked my profile and would like to get to know more about me.  OK, so far so good.... I next went to his profile.  Our match percentage was 84%.  Hmmm, OK why do different?  Well for one he was only 5'6", outside my range of heights I prefer, secondly, he was Asian.  Not to say there is anything wrong with Asians, just in the past they have not been my type. Thirdly, he had little kids (10 and 12).  But he did say he loved wine so he couldn't be all that bad could he?   And after all, my track record with my so-called "type" wasn't so good; maybe I should try to date some men that didn't fit into my typical "type".

I decided to write Mr. SoNotMyType back. I asked him what kind of wine was his favorite and left it at that.

Next I opened Mr.VeryCute's email.  His email said " I rarely search....normally just read emails, etc.  This time I found your profile and got a smile. Let me know if the same happens to  you."  Wow, I was smitten already!  I wrote Mr. VeryCute back and said "Why, thank you for the comment. I like your plaid pajamas".  Yeah, I know sounds crazy but there was a picture of him standing in his kitchen making breakfast in plaid pajama bottoms and a t-shirt.  Very cute indeed.

By this time Mr. SoNotMyType already wrote me back.  I wasn't sure if I should answer, I was  hesitant again so instead of opening that email I bit the bullet and opened Mr. 95%.  Holy Cow he said he liked my profile too! He highlighted that we were a 95% match and asked what my favorite wine was.  We went back and forth for about a half hour trading emails.  Mr. SoNotMyType and Mr.VeryCute were pushed to the back burner.  We decided to meet the following Tuesday at a place known for their wine selection. 

OH MY GOD, I HAVE A DATE. What in the world have I done?  I haven't been on a date in over 10 years.  How in the world will I get ready, what will I wear? Is his picture recent? Is he a dork? What if he is an ax murderer? I don't know anyone here, who will I tell where I am going in case he abducts me and keeps me as his sex slave???? Well, maybe I would not tell anyone, that could be interesting...

The next day, Monday, I went to work and told this woman who I had become friends with. I think she was more excited than I was.  Of course she would come to rescue me if I got abducted she said with excitement!  She gave me her cell phone and I gave her mine. We had a plan that I would call at a certain time if things were going bad.  We discussed what I should wear; she said go home and put jeans on and a sexy top!  

Tuesday I could barely stand it in work, when was this day going to be over so I could go home, change, and head out to meet Mr.95%?  Finally the end of the day came and I went home, changed into jeans and sweater and headed out. All the way there I was thinking "please don't be a dork".  

I got to the bar and he was not there, but that is because I was 15 minutes early, a small problem of mine, I am always early.  I got to the bar and found a seat next to this nice couple.  We struck up a conversation and they asked me why I was here alone. I told them I was meeting a blind date.  Apparently this surprises lots of people because they were excited!  They said they were getting ready to leave, but now they were going to wait to see if this guy was dork or hot!!  We had fun wondering what he would really be like.  

And then he walked in..................................

New Job, New House, New Mate?????

I am back!  Well, I am finally getting settled in my new house and my new job, and I suppose my new life.  My divorce is final and it is time to move on and what a better way than to start dating again.  SAY WHAT??? Yup, dating again, am I crazy?

I never thought that at 54 I would be dating again, let alone be single again.  I thought I had found my prince charming, my soul mate; but life happens and things change.  This blog isn't about blame it is about dating in my 50’s. 

I didn't know where to start, my daughter had suggested OKCupid, she found it easy so I signed up for OK Cupid and it was free! I had tried Match.com before and the free part of it was not easy to use so I wanted to try something different.  To start I had create a name, something catchy that would scream out “Pick me, pick me”!  Wow, it was pretty hard to think of something catchy so I said to myself, “what do I like to do?”, hmmm, “I like to drink wine”.  Shazam, there it was I became WineLover2014.  Now all I had to do was fill out some basics and 6 thousand pages of questions and answers and off I go. Some of the questions are downright scary.  Example:  Would you date someone with herpes?   Huh?????  This was almost as crazy as the questionnaire for unemployment benefits when they asked me what my knife skills were. 

What you do is answer a bunch of questions and then you select the answer that you will accept from a “match”.  Then you rate how important it is to you.  One was question was “does smoking disgust you?” I answered yes, and then selected “yes” for my match, and selected that the answer was mandatory for me, after all I didn't want to kiss an ashtray.   After you spend hours answering the questions you can search men and you will get a score for them.  I decided to look at one match that came up with a very high percentage match, it was around 95%.  I went through his profile and thought yeah, he could be a possibility. His profile was pretty funny, had a very sarcastic tone to it and his favorite movie was “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles” which just happens to be my favorite movie.  So I thought this site might not be so bad. 

It got pretty interesting when not more than 5 minutes after finishing my profile I had mail!  I was so excited, someone liked my profile, and someone liked me!  Wahoo, the thought of the possibilities was more exciting that opening the email.    I went to my mailbox and opened up the message with high hopes only to be sorely disappointed, and I mean very disappointed.   The picture attached to the email made me gasp with, well I am not quite sure, but almost disgust.  The guy looked to be about 75 years old and could probably play a good Santa Claus at Christmas time. Are you kidding me?  I don’t think anyone really reads what people are looking for; they just look at the picture and say “hey, I like the picture; I am going to send an email”.  If some of the guys had bothered to read my profile it says I am looking for a specific age range, non-smokers, fit, active, etc, not overweight couch potatoes.  Oh brother, this is going to be an adventure for sure.   

So back to Mr.95%.  I read his profile with interest, it was so sarcastically funny that it made me laugh out loud.  And as an added extra bonus he likes wine!  What more could a girl ask for? I hemmed and hawed over sending him an email, my heart was racing, would it be too forward? Would he think I was a hussy?  Who uses that word anymore? What the heck is a hussy anyhow? Oh my god, I just googled hussy and apparently there are all kinds of movies about hussies -"Backwoods Hussy", "Louisiana Hussy", "The Gorgeous Hussy" (that one must be about me).  The dictionary says a hussy is  an impudent or immoral girl or woman. 

synonyms:

minx, coquette, tease, seductress, Lolita, Jezebel

Ok, I am digressing here down a tangent that I had no desire to go down!!  So I sent Mr. 95% an email, I said I like your profile, it made me laugh, and who would have thought there was someone else out there that had "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles" as their favorite movie?  I hesitated before I pressed the dreaded "send" button.  I had second thoughts, this whole idea was stupid.  No one was going to like me, I am a 54 year old twice divorced woman. 

So I had a little pity party for myself then I started to think about all the things I had to offer a man:

• I have integrity
• I am honest
• I am educated
• I am funny
• I am adventurous 
• I am fit (well I try hard) 
• I am financially stable
• I have big boobs (maybe I shouldn't say that - kinda gets back to the hussy thing)

Hmm, not too shabby.  So my confidence started to climb, I was feeling good, someone would like me - then the cat threw up on rug and I came back down to reality! 

My finger hovered over that send button for about 5 minutes. Should I do it?  I decided I needed a glass of wine first, then I would do it. After all that,  I pushed the send button. Damn, can I take it back? Where is the recall button?  What, there isn't one?  Holy Cow I can't believe I sent it, what an idiot I am.  

But wait, there was an alert, I have mail...........

To be continued.

New Job, New Location, New House, What Next?

If you have been following my blog you know that I lost my job in June 2013.  I was devastated as that has never happened to me.  But, I am a strong woman and I decided to make lemonade out of lemons or maybe Lemoncello!  Hence my blog.  I have started my new job today, January 6, 2014 in Brentwood, TN.  Now that I have found a job friends have begged me to not stop blogging, so their wish is my command. I will now focus on my house hunt and finding new friends and activities in the Nashville are.




The House Hunt:
If any of  you have not figured out, I don't let moss grow on a rolling stone.  When I knew I was moving to Tennessee, I started looking at housing so I would have an idea of what I was getting into. I had no clue where to start. I was assigned a relocation agent and she gave me some guidance as to where the nice areas are which areas have the best resale values.  RESALE?  I haven't even moved yet and I have to think of resale?  I am nauseous thinking about this move, please do I have to think about resale already?  Well, yes, I do, everyone should think about resale for the very situation that I found myself in.

What do I want for my next house, hopefully the house I will retire in?  Big questions for which I didn't have a lot answers to.  The agent asked me to list what I wanted.  The best I could do was say look at my current house listing, that is what I want. I love my house in Indiana, can it be airlifted to Tennessee?  Well, apparently not.


The agent sent me a bunch of listings that I went through and I selected the ones I wanted to view this past weekend.  By the time I was ready to come down half the listings were already under contract.  GEEZ, a hot market to boot.  The agent picked me up and off we went last Saturday to look at houses before the storm hit.  The first listing the agent thought was going to be my favorite based on what my current house was like.  We walked in and both of us were taken aback at how dirty the house was.  I can't believe that people would actually leave a house dirty when they know that their house is being shown to a perspective buyer.  Granted, they house had granite counters, high end appliances, etc, but the counters were dirty and sticky!  The house looked like it had not been vacuumed in a month.

If you view my house you will notice that you can eat off the floor.  I have hand cleaned and waxed the wood floors, repainted all the woodwork, it is immaculate. Why on earth are people so dirty?  Needless to say I passed on quite a few houses before even going in the door.

My house in Indiana has had lots of activity, just need someone to show me the money!!