Running Away From the Nut Jobs...

Where did I leave off?  I dated Mr. 95% for a couple of weeks and all of a sudden I don't hear from him.  And I waited, and waited, and waited, and finally heard from him. His rating was starting to drop big time at this point, I am thinking he is now Mr. 30%.  The guy is either lacking social skills in communication, which is funny because he is in marketing, or he is a douche bag, I go with the latter. His new moniker is Mr. DB (douche bag). 

 

 He texts me "How was your weekend?' on a Monday after I haven't heard from him in 2 weeks. Really? Well I sat on that text for about 8 hours pondering how to respond to it. I was with a group of women on a consulting job so I asked them for their opinion on how I should respond. This is the list of the responses we came up with:

• Had a wonderful weekend without you
• Couldn't have been better, slept with 5 guys (not really)
• It was so good I eloped
• Who is this?
• I am sorry, do I know you?

At the end I just answered back "great" and left it at that to which he texted back that he had a great weekend as some of his friends visited for the weekend.  Yeah, right, I am sure it was friends of the female persuasion. Do guys really think we believe that crap? 

Well, there were more options available to me.  Mr. Douche Bag was put in the back of my mind and I set up another date with a guy from "Ourtime", the dating site for singles over 50.  Oh my, did I really sign up for that site? Yes, unfortunately I did.  99% of the responses I get are from guys that look like my grandfather.  YUK -A- Doodle.  This hot blonde does not date men that look like they have been ridden hard and put away wet.  If only, LOL.

So back to my date.  This guy I will call Mr. Obnoxious.  I didn't know it at the time I set up the date, but that will give you a prelude to my date.  We decided to meet at this bar at 7 pm on a Saturday.  I arrived and noticed that he was at the bar - Wow that was a first - usually I am early.  Then he stands up and says rather loudly "You look just like your picture", to which I said, "Yes, I post recent photos" and I thought to myself "Too bad you didn't post a recent photo".  He was a bit heavier and older than the pictures online.  But he wasn't obese so I thought to myself, I could have a glass of wine with him, it won’t kill me. Little did I know how bad it was about to get. 

 

We sat down and as I arranged my chair he grabbed the chair and pulled it close to him to which I pushed it away.  He asked me "What's the matter do I smell?"  "No", I said "but I don't need to sit in your lap".  Oh, this is going to be a long night I thought.  We looked at the wine list and he decided on a bottle of wine and he poured me a glass.  I asked him some usual questions, "Where did you grow up?", "Any kids", etc.  He answered as he pounded the wine down.  

He finished the bottle of wine and asked me if I wanted another bottle. I said, “No thanks, I am fine with water now”.  He asked me “Haven’t you ever sat down and had an entire bottle of wine?”  “No, I said”.  He said “I do often”.  He ordered a glass of wine.

Run, Linda, run now, get the heck out while you can. Get your taser ready...

Before I could get up he pulled out his Star of David necklace. Again rather loudly said, “I am Jewish, do you have a problem with that?".  To which I said, "No, but I am not religious".  Apparently wine and non-religious people don’t go together with this guy. He yelled out “You don’t believe in a Supreme being?”  I knew I was in trouble, how do you gracefully exit this conversation? People were now looking at us.   I tried to change the conversation, anything would be better than this one.  Before I could change the subject he asked me if I was going to take down my profile now that I met him and we were going to be dating! I almost burst out laughing, I really had to control myself.   Did he really think I was going to go out with him again?  I said “No, I barely know you.  I am not ready to take it down”.  To myself I said “Now way in hell am I going out with this nut job again”.

Not a good idea, he went off like a rocket rambling on about how women are all the same, say they want a relationship but not willing to commit.  Did I hear that right?  I just met the guy and he wants a commitment?  He needed to be committed! 

I got up and put some money on the bar and said thank you and goodbye. I ran out of the bar afraid he was going to follow me. Holy Cow, what a jerk he was.

I went home and logged on to “Ourtime” to block him and noticed I had more mail……

Dating in my 50's: Should I just give up on finding THE ONE?

Let's see  where did I leave off.  Oh yeah, I had mail.

I went into the email section to see what I had.  I don't know about you but I love to get mail, almost doesn't matter what it is, it is so much fun opening mail.  It also makes you feel wanted when you get snail mail or email.  OK, I know I am digressing and I should get to the point.

In the email box was an email from Mr.95%!  I was so excited I almost passed out; he actually wrote back.  But wait, he could be writing to tell me to take a hike, that I am so not his type, that I am too fat, too skinny, too blonde.  Now I had a new dilemma, should I open the email and get disappointed or should I wait a while and savor the moment????  But wait, not only did I have an email from Mr. 95%, but I had two  other emails.  Let's see what shall I call them?  One I will call Mr. SoNotMyType and the other I will call Mr. VeryCute.

I decided to open Mr. SoNotMyType's email first, after all he wrote me so it won't disappoint me would it?  I opened the  email and he said he liked my profile and would like to get to know more about me.  OK, so far so good.... I next went to his profile.  Our match percentage was 84%.  Hmmm, OK why do different?  Well for one he was only 5'6", outside my range of heights I prefer, secondly, he was Asian.  Not to say there is anything wrong with Asians, just in the past they have not been my type. Thirdly, he had little kids (10 and 12).  But he did say he loved wine so he couldn't be all that bad could he?   And after all, my track record with my so-called "type" wasn't so good; maybe I should try to date some men that didn't fit into my typical "type".

I decided to write Mr. SoNotMyType back. I asked him what kind of wine was his favorite and left it at that.

Next I opened Mr.VeryCute's email.  His email said " I rarely search....normally just read emails, etc.  This time I found your profile and got a smile. Let me know if the same happens to  you."  Wow, I was smitten already!  I wrote Mr. VeryCute back and said "Why, thank you for the comment. I like your plaid pajamas".  Yeah, I know sounds crazy but there was a picture of him standing in his kitchen making breakfast in plaid pajama bottoms and a t-shirt.  Very cute indeed.

By this time Mr. SoNotMyType already wrote me back.  I wasn't sure if I should answer, I was  hesitant again so instead of opening that email I bit the bullet and opened Mr. 95%.  Holy Cow he said he liked my profile too! He highlighted that we were a 95% match and asked what my favorite wine was.  We went back and forth for about a half hour trading emails.  Mr. SoNotMyType and Mr.VeryCute were pushed to the back burner.  We decided to meet the following Tuesday at a place known for their wine selection. 

OH MY GOD, I HAVE A DATE. What in the world have I done?  I haven't been on a date in over 10 years.  How in the world will I get ready, what will I wear? Is his picture recent? Is he a dork? What if he is an ax murderer? I don't know anyone here, who will I tell where I am going in case he abducts me and keeps me as his sex slave???? Well, maybe I would not tell anyone, that could be interesting...

The next day, Monday, I went to work and told this woman who I had become friends with. I think she was more excited than I was.  Of course she would come to rescue me if I got abducted she said with excitement!  She gave me her cell phone and I gave her mine. We had a plan that I would call at a certain time if things were going bad.  We discussed what I should wear; she said go home and put jeans on and a sexy top!  

Tuesday I could barely stand it in work, when was this day going to be over so I could go home, change, and head out to meet Mr.95%?  Finally the end of the day came and I went home, changed into jeans and sweater and headed out. All the way there I was thinking "please don't be a dork".  

I got to the bar and he was not there, but that is because I was 15 minutes early, a small problem of mine, I am always early.  I got to the bar and found a seat next to this nice couple.  We struck up a conversation and they asked me why I was here alone. I told them I was meeting a blind date.  Apparently this surprises lots of people because they were excited!  They said they were getting ready to leave, but now they were going to wait to see if this guy was dork or hot!!  We had fun wondering what he would really be like.  

And then he walked in..................................

New Job, New House, New Mate?????

I am back!  Well, I am finally getting settled in my new house and my new job, and I suppose my new life.  My divorce is final and it is time to move on and what a better way than to start dating again.  SAY WHAT??? Yup, dating again, am I crazy?

I never thought that at 54 I would be dating again, let alone be single again.  I thought I had found my prince charming, my soul mate; but life happens and things change.  This blog isn't about blame it is about dating in my 50’s. 

I didn't know where to start, my daughter had suggested OKCupid, she found it easy so I signed up for OK Cupid and it was free! I had tried Match.com before and the free part of it was not easy to use so I wanted to try something different.  To start I had create a name, something catchy that would scream out “Pick me, pick me”!  Wow, it was pretty hard to think of something catchy so I said to myself, “what do I like to do?”, hmmm, “I like to drink wine”.  Shazam, there it was I became WineLover2014.  Now all I had to do was fill out some basics and 6 thousand pages of questions and answers and off I go. Some of the questions are downright scary.  Example:  Would you date someone with herpes?   Huh?????  This was almost as crazy as the questionnaire for unemployment benefits when they asked me what my knife skills were. 

What you do is answer a bunch of questions and then you select the answer that you will accept from a “match”.  Then you rate how important it is to you.  One was question was “does smoking disgust you?” I answered yes, and then selected “yes” for my match, and selected that the answer was mandatory for me, after all I didn't want to kiss an ashtray.   After you spend hours answering the questions you can search men and you will get a score for them.  I decided to look at one match that came up with a very high percentage match, it was around 95%.  I went through his profile and thought yeah, he could be a possibility. His profile was pretty funny, had a very sarcastic tone to it and his favorite movie was “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles” which just happens to be my favorite movie.  So I thought this site might not be so bad. 

It got pretty interesting when not more than 5 minutes after finishing my profile I had mail!  I was so excited, someone liked my profile, and someone liked me!  Wahoo, the thought of the possibilities was more exciting that opening the email.    I went to my mailbox and opened up the message with high hopes only to be sorely disappointed, and I mean very disappointed.   The picture attached to the email made me gasp with, well I am not quite sure, but almost disgust.  The guy looked to be about 75 years old and could probably play a good Santa Claus at Christmas time. Are you kidding me?  I don’t think anyone really reads what people are looking for; they just look at the picture and say “hey, I like the picture; I am going to send an email”.  If some of the guys had bothered to read my profile it says I am looking for a specific age range, non-smokers, fit, active, etc, not overweight couch potatoes.  Oh brother, this is going to be an adventure for sure.   

So back to Mr.95%.  I read his profile with interest, it was so sarcastically funny that it made me laugh out loud.  And as an added extra bonus he likes wine!  What more could a girl ask for? I hemmed and hawed over sending him an email, my heart was racing, would it be too forward? Would he think I was a hussy?  Who uses that word anymore? What the heck is a hussy anyhow? Oh my god, I just googled hussy and apparently there are all kinds of movies about hussies -"Backwoods Hussy", "Louisiana Hussy", "The Gorgeous Hussy" (that one must be about me).  The dictionary says a hussy is  an impudent or immoral girl or woman. 

synonyms:

minx, coquette, tease, seductress, Lolita, Jezebel

Ok, I am digressing here down a tangent that I had no desire to go down!!  So I sent Mr. 95% an email, I said I like your profile, it made me laugh, and who would have thought there was someone else out there that had "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles" as their favorite movie?  I hesitated before I pressed the dreaded "send" button.  I had second thoughts, this whole idea was stupid.  No one was going to like me, I am a 54 year old twice divorced woman. 

So I had a little pity party for myself then I started to think about all the things I had to offer a man:

• I have integrity
• I am honest
• I am educated
• I am funny
• I am adventurous 
• I am fit (well I try hard) 
• I am financially stable
• I have big boobs (maybe I shouldn't say that - kinda gets back to the hussy thing)

Hmm, not too shabby.  So my confidence started to climb, I was feeling good, someone would like me - then the cat threw up on rug and I came back down to reality! 

My finger hovered over that send button for about 5 minutes. Should I do it?  I decided I needed a glass of wine first, then I would do it. After all that,  I pushed the send button. Damn, can I take it back? Where is the recall button?  What, there isn't one?  Holy Cow I can't believe I sent it, what an idiot I am.  

But wait, there was an alert, I have mail...........

To be continued.

When it just keeps getting worse, who you gonna call? Ghost Busters!

It is Halloween time, everyone has  their pumpkins on their front stoops, festive orange lights around trees, and corn stocks around the lamp posts.  Pretty soon the ghosts and goblins will be arriving at my door asking for their treats. Witches Brews will be simmering, although I think the aliens are at my door already!

I have been having interviews with multiple companies over the past several weeks, some further along in the process than others, yet all of them require moving out of Indiana.  Moving is not a problem for me, I am looking forward to moving to a new location and starting a new chapter in my life, a new adventure!  In the process of going through my stuff to weed out the junk that doesn't need to move with me, I am stirring up memories that are overwhelming me.  You see I am in the middle of my second divorce, yikes say WHAT?????

Yesterday I found my wedding and honeymoon files which brought back very fond memories.  We rented out the Publick House in Sturbridge, MA for the wedding. We had the place packed with family and friends.  So what do I do with the stuff I keep asking myself? Keep it or toss it?  Even though the marriage is failing, the wedding memories are still good right?  Darn it those Phantom ghosts and Evil B*tches from the past.  What about the mementos from the Mediterranean cruise we took for our honeymoon?  All the ticket stubs that I was going to put into a scrap book, do I keep them or toss them? So many questions and so many haunting, fun and adventurous memories. What to do, what to do?

So you can see my Conundrum.  One side of me is in melancholy, the other side is excited for the new adventure.  Speaking of which, I finally received my first unemployment check, er deposit, debit card, whatever they are calling it now.  What an adventure that turned out to be.  I really feel for the folks who are not as fortunate as I am who really depend on that money to keep their families safe and fed.  While the government Vampires may think they are doing people a favor by only using these debit cards, it makes it very difficult and challenging to get the money in the appropriate place without any extra fees that only dwindle the amount that you actually receive.

While I may have  poked fun at being required to attend an orientation session at the WorkOne office is Fishers, I have met some lovely people there.  One woman that I met and I meet weekly to discuss our progress in the job  hunt, discuss the barriers, and Zombies we have come across in our travels.  It is welcoming to be able to vent and share without prejudice. 

You may have noticed the bold, italicized and underlined words in the post today.  They are all Halloween wines.  I recommend going out and trying some different brews; and hang on to the bottles, they make great conversation pieces.  I will never forget when my husband bought me the Evil and B*tch wines and put them side by side.  Hmm......wonder if that is why I am getting divorced.   Happy Halloween!!

Restless but had a nice glass of Zinfandel

Once again another restless night,  but I did have a wonderful glass of Zinfandel.  2009 Zen of Zin old vine California  - yummy!  Nice and rich.  I don't dream about wine, not sure why but  I did think about how I am putting my new found extended vacation to use.

First, I am rediscovering the art of canning.  I used to can way back when the kids were little. We would go out and pick strawberries then make tons of jam.  My cupboards are now full of bread and butter pickles, relish, sweet pickle chips, corn relish, pickled beets, strawberry jam, blueberry jam. and peach jam.  My next adventure starts when I get my pressure canner and I can can Boston Baked Beans!

Secondly, I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason - sometimes we don't get to find out the reason, sometimes we lay awake at night trying to figure it out!  My other nugget is that I always learn from every experience.  So what have I learned so far from losing my job?

1. Life is too short to be stressed out.  I have been stressed for years now climbing up the corporate ladder.  What I have discovered is that success does not equal stress! You can be very successful but deal with the stress in a positive way.  My leadership coach has taught me that.  (Shout out to Dave Stoddard from Leaders Legacy, my coach)
2. You can't change how other people act, but you can change how you act towards them.
3. Life is an ever changing sport, there are winners and there are losers.  How you prepare for the race determines how you will do at the finish line.  However, you need to lose some races to figure out what you have to do to win.  I really should have compared this to football, my favorite sport. Okay, rephrase:  Life is an ever running football game......you need to prepare for each and every game. When you lose a game look at it as a learning experience, what do I need to do next time to come out on top?
4. Finding a job is hard work!  But I have done a lot of research on how to go about it. I will share some of what I have learned each day.

Ok, expanding on number 4, finding a  job is hard and there are things that you should be doing TODAY even when you are employed that will make it easier.  "Why should I be doing anything about finding a job when I am still employed?" you ask. Here's why:

• Companies don't have a sense of loyalty to their employees like they did 25 years ago and employees don't feel loyal to their companies either.  There is a great article by Jeremy Kingsly, in "The Conference Room" published March 11, 2013 regarding the issue. See link below.

By Jeremy Kingsley

The Conference Room

Published March 11, 2013

FOXBusiness

Read more: http://www.foxbusiness.com/business-leaders/2013/03/11/is-loyalty-just-thing-past/#ixzz2c8hYUzl9

• If you are ready and the perfect opportunity arises then you can act quickly.

So what should you do now to prepare  yourself? The first thing to do is get your resume ready!

• If you already have a resume, update it with current information.
• If you don't have a resume create one. There are lots of sites online that you refer to for starting templates. 
• I have several versions of my resume -
• I have a long resume that lists every job I have had since 1990.  
• I  have my short resume that only goes back 10 years.  Most want to only see 10 years and sooner of experience; however I have been asked for a complete resume so it is easy to give when I already have it done.
• I also have resumes that I have customized for particular jobs I am applying for.  Example, if a company highlights several times in an ad that they are looking for a specific skill I make sure that I have it listed in my resume. I also pull keywords from the ad and make sure I reference those in my resume. That way when the hiring manager is reviewing my resume they can clearly see that I have the experience that they are looking for (that is if they ever get to read it).
• Tip - how to name your resume so you know what it is. First create a folder called "Resumes".  Always save your resume starting with your last name, that way employers always know whose it is. I can't tell you how many times people have sent me resumes and their name is not in the file name and I have to open it to figure out who it is.  You want to make it easy for an employer to hire you.  
• Here are examples of how I name my resume:
• SheridanResume-2013long
• SheridanResume-2013short
• SheridanResume-project management
• SheridanResume-consulting
• What do you put on your resume, what order, how much etc?
• Most sites recommend only a 2 page resume so that means you have to be very concise with your words.  Again, I have a long resume that has all my jobs back to 1990.  I can cut and paste from my long resume when I need to customize a resume to a job. That  way all the information is consistent.  (As I get older I forget a lot of the details.  Do it once and you don't have to remember it)
• Do not put your graduation dates from college.  Just list where you went and what your major was.   A lot of companies wean out applicants by the graduation dates on resumes. They can't legally not hire you because of your age but they can wean you out from the process to begin with.  Not putting the dates on gives them one less reason to drop you from the pile.
• Don't put a lot of fancy formatting on your resume (unless you are an artist, graphic designer, etc and that is part of the application).  Most employers load your resume into a database and search from this database. If you have a lot of fancy formatting it can mess up how it gets loaded into a database.  You want to make sure that everyone can find you.   

Well, enough for today.  I am waiting for the vet to call me when Smokey comes out of surgery.  The little thing  has eye cancer and is having her eye removed today to prevent the spread of the cancer, poor baby.  Mama is going to give her lots of loving tonight.

Hunting for the perfect night's sleep and bottle of wine

August 15, 2013.
Last night I lay awake trying to run job hunt strategies through my head. Should I use this search or that search, should I pay the $7,500 to a career guide, am I saying the right things during interviews, yada, yada, yada. So at about 3 am I decided in my mind that I needed to write about my experience for several reasons:

1. I can document my experience and get it out of my dreams
2. I can share all the information that I have gathered with others
3. I can get a good laugh now and then (you will see later)
4. My cats were getting annoyed that I kept tossing and turning, I could let them sleep, God only knows they need it more than me!
5. Lastly, I can sleep!!

Maybe I should say that I am recently unemployed (June 2013) which is new for me and I have embarked on journey to find the last great job of my career.

So the story starts way back before Jesus was a boy.   Back when Monster.Com had just started in the 1990's.  I am the typical Type A personality (and yes anal retentive as well).  I have always had a resume handy, I always have it updated and ready to go.  So when the guy I was dating sold his company and needed to find a job I said lets try Monster.Com.  He didn't have a resume handy, but I did so I used my information to show him how to set up an account and how easy it was. Well, guess what? I got a call not two days later from a company who I eventually went to work for!  Wow.  I learned a valuable lesson that day - if you have your resume out on the web people will come to you for jobs.

I have always kept my resume up to date, I even keep a "project tracker" for all the projects I have been part of (remember anal retentive).  This allows me to respond to prospective employers with detailed answers to questions quickly.  Anyone who wants to progress should consider keeping a project tracker not only to keep track of your projects but to let you know where you have gaps in your experience.

So back to sleeping.......  I mean job hunting

I have determined that the best way to job  hunt is to treat it like a job. I get up and go to my computer and spend at least 4 hours a day job hunting, researching or networking.  Ah, the elusive networking.  Yes it does work and it pays off.  I have never burned a bridge no matter how mad or upset I have been, it does not pay off to show it.  I have always taken the higher road.

Now the all important question:   What do I want for my perfect last job?  Geez, I wish I knew.  I think that is why I am restless and fidgety.  I have absolutely loved my past positions and companies.  I have been in healthcare for the past twenty years either in consulting or direct line management.  I have towed the line, wore the suit, dressed the part, played the part, followed all the rules.  But something is missing.

In June this summer a bunch of women from the office got together for a style party. What is a style party you ask? You get  a group of professional women who have nothing better to do on a weekend to come over to someone's house where you have snacks and wine (yes, I love wine, have I said that yet? I am a certified wino) and you bring  your favorite accessory that you never wear.  I brought my scarf that I purchased while in Paris. It is blue and turquoise and very "impressionist" inspired.  I also had on white capri pants and similar styled tank top.

We were all asked to gather around an easel, bring our wine and snacks and have a seat.  The setting was beautiful, we were out side in a pool area with gorgeous landscaping; it was very serene, well except for the neighbor mowing the lawn and the dog barking.

The style consultant, Sola, asked who wanted to go first.  Me, being such a shy person, raised my hand and said "I will".  Now let me clear, I had an ulterior motive.  I was thinking to myself, if this is really a silly exercise, I can get my part over with and sit back and drink wine and watch everyone else make a fool of themselves  as I would be done first.  I could also sneak out  if it got really boring. However, quite to the contrary it was pretty cool!  The first thing that happens is that Sola took my scarf and held it up to the group and asked them, when you see this what does it say to you about Linda?  The responses were spot on of who I felt I was: artistic, happy, free flowing ,fun, approachable etc.

The next question was "how does this differ from what you know and see of Linda at work?" Well, you could have stabbed me in the eye with a stick when I heard the responses.  One woman, who I hardly knew at all, said "she seems cold, unapproachable, very rigid, business like (aren't' I supposed to be business like as a VP?).  She then stated "I was floored when she came in dressed like she is. I expected her to come in wearing a suit".  Really? A suit on a Sunday at a party with wine?  I was floored, deflated, embarrassed, and so much more.  Glass of wine, heck no give me the bottle!  But, Sola brought it back to the scarf and reason why we were asked to bring our favorite accessory that we never wore.  What we look like at work is not always what and who we are. But people see what we wear and base their assumptions on that.   There are ways to bring my creative artistic side into my wardrobe Sola stated.

I was sold, I needed to hear more as I have felt that way for years.  If I had my way I would wear a turquoise suit to work with a yellow floral blouse but I didn't think that would not go over too well.  As it is, I try to  show my artistic creative side in my shoes and handbags  (did I tell you I have shoe and handbag fetish?).   I am getting to the point, trust me!  So this all ties back to "What do I want to do for my last great job?"

Trouble is I don't know quite yet but I do know that it has to allow me to be who I am, not be afraid of wearing my suit with colorful accessories.

Tomorrow I will opine on my search and how I have approached it so far.