Running Away From the Nut Jobs...

Where did I leave off?  I dated Mr. 95% for a couple of weeks and all of a sudden I don't hear from him.  And I waited, and waited, and waited, and finally heard from him. His rating was starting to drop big time at this point, I am thinking he is now Mr. 30%.  The guy is either lacking social skills in communication, which is funny because he is in marketing, or he is a douche bag, I go with the latter. His new moniker is Mr. DB (douche bag). 

 

 He texts me "How was your weekend?' on a Monday after I haven't heard from him in 2 weeks. Really? Well I sat on that text for about 8 hours pondering how to respond to it. I was with a group of women on a consulting job so I asked them for their opinion on how I should respond. This is the list of the responses we came up with:

• Had a wonderful weekend without you
• Couldn't have been better, slept with 5 guys (not really)
• It was so good I eloped
• Who is this?
• I am sorry, do I know you?

At the end I just answered back "great" and left it at that to which he texted back that he had a great weekend as some of his friends visited for the weekend.  Yeah, right, I am sure it was friends of the female persuasion. Do guys really think we believe that crap? 

Well, there were more options available to me.  Mr. Douche Bag was put in the back of my mind and I set up another date with a guy from "Ourtime", the dating site for singles over 50.  Oh my, did I really sign up for that site? Yes, unfortunately I did.  99% of the responses I get are from guys that look like my grandfather.  YUK -A- Doodle.  This hot blonde does not date men that look like they have been ridden hard and put away wet.  If only, LOL.

So back to my date.  This guy I will call Mr. Obnoxious.  I didn't know it at the time I set up the date, but that will give you a prelude to my date.  We decided to meet at this bar at 7 pm on a Saturday.  I arrived and noticed that he was at the bar - Wow that was a first - usually I am early.  Then he stands up and says rather loudly "You look just like your picture", to which I said, "Yes, I post recent photos" and I thought to myself "Too bad you didn't post a recent photo".  He was a bit heavier and older than the pictures online.  But he wasn't obese so I thought to myself, I could have a glass of wine with him, it won’t kill me. Little did I know how bad it was about to get. 

 

We sat down and as I arranged my chair he grabbed the chair and pulled it close to him to which I pushed it away.  He asked me "What's the matter do I smell?"  "No", I said "but I don't need to sit in your lap".  Oh, this is going to be a long night I thought.  We looked at the wine list and he decided on a bottle of wine and he poured me a glass.  I asked him some usual questions, "Where did you grow up?", "Any kids", etc.  He answered as he pounded the wine down.  

He finished the bottle of wine and asked me if I wanted another bottle. I said, “No thanks, I am fine with water now”.  He asked me “Haven’t you ever sat down and had an entire bottle of wine?”  “No, I said”.  He said “I do often”.  He ordered a glass of wine.

Run, Linda, run now, get the heck out while you can. Get your taser ready...

Before I could get up he pulled out his Star of David necklace. Again rather loudly said, “I am Jewish, do you have a problem with that?".  To which I said, "No, but I am not religious".  Apparently wine and non-religious people don’t go together with this guy. He yelled out “You don’t believe in a Supreme being?”  I knew I was in trouble, how do you gracefully exit this conversation? People were now looking at us.   I tried to change the conversation, anything would be better than this one.  Before I could change the subject he asked me if I was going to take down my profile now that I met him and we were going to be dating! I almost burst out laughing, I really had to control myself.   Did he really think I was going to go out with him again?  I said “No, I barely know you.  I am not ready to take it down”.  To myself I said “Now way in hell am I going out with this nut job again”.

Not a good idea, he went off like a rocket rambling on about how women are all the same, say they want a relationship but not willing to commit.  Did I hear that right?  I just met the guy and he wants a commitment?  He needed to be committed! 

I got up and put some money on the bar and said thank you and goodbye. I ran out of the bar afraid he was going to follow me. Holy Cow, what a jerk he was.

I went home and logged on to “Ourtime” to block him and noticed I had more mail……

New Job, New House, New Mate?????

I am back!  Well, I am finally getting settled in my new house and my new job, and I suppose my new life.  My divorce is final and it is time to move on and what a better way than to start dating again.  SAY WHAT??? Yup, dating again, am I crazy?

I never thought that at 54 I would be dating again, let alone be single again.  I thought I had found my prince charming, my soul mate; but life happens and things change.  This blog isn't about blame it is about dating in my 50’s. 

I didn't know where to start, my daughter had suggested OKCupid, she found it easy so I signed up for OK Cupid and it was free! I had tried Match.com before and the free part of it was not easy to use so I wanted to try something different.  To start I had create a name, something catchy that would scream out “Pick me, pick me”!  Wow, it was pretty hard to think of something catchy so I said to myself, “what do I like to do?”, hmmm, “I like to drink wine”.  Shazam, there it was I became WineLover2014.  Now all I had to do was fill out some basics and 6 thousand pages of questions and answers and off I go. Some of the questions are downright scary.  Example:  Would you date someone with herpes?   Huh?????  This was almost as crazy as the questionnaire for unemployment benefits when they asked me what my knife skills were. 

What you do is answer a bunch of questions and then you select the answer that you will accept from a “match”.  Then you rate how important it is to you.  One was question was “does smoking disgust you?” I answered yes, and then selected “yes” for my match, and selected that the answer was mandatory for me, after all I didn't want to kiss an ashtray.   After you spend hours answering the questions you can search men and you will get a score for them.  I decided to look at one match that came up with a very high percentage match, it was around 95%.  I went through his profile and thought yeah, he could be a possibility. His profile was pretty funny, had a very sarcastic tone to it and his favorite movie was “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles” which just happens to be my favorite movie.  So I thought this site might not be so bad. 

It got pretty interesting when not more than 5 minutes after finishing my profile I had mail!  I was so excited, someone liked my profile, and someone liked me!  Wahoo, the thought of the possibilities was more exciting that opening the email.    I went to my mailbox and opened up the message with high hopes only to be sorely disappointed, and I mean very disappointed.   The picture attached to the email made me gasp with, well I am not quite sure, but almost disgust.  The guy looked to be about 75 years old and could probably play a good Santa Claus at Christmas time. Are you kidding me?  I don’t think anyone really reads what people are looking for; they just look at the picture and say “hey, I like the picture; I am going to send an email”.  If some of the guys had bothered to read my profile it says I am looking for a specific age range, non-smokers, fit, active, etc, not overweight couch potatoes.  Oh brother, this is going to be an adventure for sure.   

So back to Mr.95%.  I read his profile with interest, it was so sarcastically funny that it made me laugh out loud.  And as an added extra bonus he likes wine!  What more could a girl ask for? I hemmed and hawed over sending him an email, my heart was racing, would it be too forward? Would he think I was a hussy?  Who uses that word anymore? What the heck is a hussy anyhow? Oh my god, I just googled hussy and apparently there are all kinds of movies about hussies -"Backwoods Hussy", "Louisiana Hussy", "The Gorgeous Hussy" (that one must be about me).  The dictionary says a hussy is  an impudent or immoral girl or woman. 

synonyms:

minx, coquette, tease, seductress, Lolita, Jezebel

Ok, I am digressing here down a tangent that I had no desire to go down!!  So I sent Mr. 95% an email, I said I like your profile, it made me laugh, and who would have thought there was someone else out there that had "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles" as their favorite movie?  I hesitated before I pressed the dreaded "send" button.  I had second thoughts, this whole idea was stupid.  No one was going to like me, I am a 54 year old twice divorced woman. 

So I had a little pity party for myself then I started to think about all the things I had to offer a man:

• I have integrity
• I am honest
• I am educated
• I am funny
• I am adventurous 
• I am fit (well I try hard) 
• I am financially stable
• I have big boobs (maybe I shouldn't say that - kinda gets back to the hussy thing)

Hmm, not too shabby.  So my confidence started to climb, I was feeling good, someone would like me - then the cat threw up on rug and I came back down to reality! 

My finger hovered over that send button for about 5 minutes. Should I do it?  I decided I needed a glass of wine first, then I would do it. After all that,  I pushed the send button. Damn, can I take it back? Where is the recall button?  What, there isn't one?  Holy Cow I can't believe I sent it, what an idiot I am.  

But wait, there was an alert, I have mail...........

To be continued.